Humans are bound by our desires whether we like it or not, but is the force that drives desire manifested consciously or unconsciously? That is the central question this essay will attempt to shine light on. I’ve been fascinated with this question lately because I’ve recently been pondering why it is I want what I want, and I couldn’t come up with a straightforward answer. I hypothesize that desire manifests itself via both conscious and unconscious means, I don’t think it’s one or the other but rather both working in tandem with the conscious being driven by the unconscious. For example, a matador can’t tell you why he chooses to voluntarily stand in front of a raging, charging bull but that won’t stop him from going out there all neatly dressed up to face that beast. Does he consciously choose to engage in that activity? Yes. Can he articulate exactly what it is that drives him to do so? Not necessarily. This is one example from life that highlights the mysterious driving force we call desire. I’m not sure if I will find an answer, but the pursuit feels worthwhile. I’m hoping that researching, negotiating and writing on this topic will allow me to better understand my own nature and in doing so help me act more consciously in the world rather than just stumble around willfully blind.
The English word for desire has it’s origin from the Latin ‘Desiderare’ which means to long for, wish for; demand, expect; await what the stars will bring. The English definition of the word states that it is both the thing to achieve, and the action taken to achieve said thing. I find it quite interesting how original Latin definition says, ‘await what the stars will bring’, it brings an almost magical, otherworldly meaning to the word. I wonder if the first desire of man then comes from just staring at the stars and wondering what else is out there? I.e., the desire to know, to seek knowledge beyond the grasp of man. Fulfilling a desire feels akin to quenching a thirst with water, once you take in enough water the thirst goes away. Likewise, once you fulfill a desire it goes away. Depending on the nature of the desire it may take little or a lot of water to quench and in rare occasions one’s thirst may even feel unquenchable. This makes me wonder, what underlies this powerful, invisible force that puts the wind in our sails - maybe religion can enlighten us?
All the worlds religious texts seem to me to be an attempt to make sense of the human experience. Central to religion is the concept of God. Depending on who you ask he may have various names, Allah, Jesus, Krishna but regardless of the regional flavour people put on this entity, there is a thread that is common to all, an ever present, all-knowing entity. Now, I’ll be honest in admitting I haven’t read all the worlds major religious texts, though I have read a few Hindu ones as well as parts of the bible and the Koran. I am not an expert in religion but the themes I’m going to discuss are ones I’ve came across through various conversations with people with varying levels of religious expertise, from random anecdotal yarns at the pub right down to proper talks with scholars of religions.
If desire is the wind in your sail, it seems that religion is not so concerned with the wind as much as the direction you let the wind guide you. If you let your desires guide you towards a selfish path as opposed to a selfless path, religion takes exception. If religion’s aim is to serve as some sort of quasi manual for life, it’s worth asking why does the above logic make sense?
One of the key elements that makes humans different from other animals it is our ability to believe in myths. Yuval Harari wonderfully elaborates this in his book Sapiens. One of my favorite concepts he explains in the book is this: You can convince a human to fight a war for God on the promise that if he fought bravely, he may one day go to heaven and have all the things he wants. Now, try convincing a chimpanzee to fight for a holy way with the promise of all the bananas and chimp companions he could have. That chimp will go tell you to go fuck yourself! My point being is that the logic of selfish vs selfless pursuits that religions speak on seems to be an attempt to capture and preserve the thing that makes us who we are - our ability to be aware of more than just ourselves and our immediate circle. A human’s willingness to dedicate his/her whole life to abstract concepts such as nation, money, or morality are unparalleled in the animal kingdom. These notions are only as alive as the life the person whose beliefs breathe life into it. We are masters at creating our own realities that aren’t bound by the limitations of physical reality, but in saying that, most of us are but novices at managing the power of this ability in a consistent manner. Maybe that’s why religion is so cautious of desire especially if its selfish in nature. Selfishly harnessing your desire to bend reality to your will you may throw the whole system out of balance and cause heartache for not only you but for countless other people like you and that’s not good for anyone.
When someone is deeply in the grip of desire it might be hard for them to focus solely on the object of their desire. While being goal oriented has it’s purpose, if all you can focus on is the goal there is a risk that you may not be paying enough attention to the bigger picture. With desire being such a powerful force, religion is rightfully wary of it because if it’s mishandled, it can ruin someone’s life. Conversely, if desire is treated with the respect and handled carefully, it can really elevate. Like how every coin has two sides I feel like the other side of religion is science. Wonder how science approaches desire?
The field of science may as well be as vast as an ocean. Trying to find what the scientific establishment has to say about desire proved tricky because with science, the answers you get are only as good the questions you ask. Given the inherent difficulty in defining desire as it varies so much between individuals, it was quite hard to ask science ‘What do you think about desire?’ When I did ask, it’s response was INPUT ERROR. So, I approached it from a different angle – addiction. Precisely, the study of addiction. Most, if not all, addictions seem to stem from an uncontrolled almost insatiable form of desire which often has little to do with the object of the desire, whether that be drugs, sex or cheeseburgers, and more about the feeling that the object brings them. It’s a never-ending chase for some people. Neuroscience calls this motivational salience, a mental process which motivates people’s behaviour towards or away from an object, perceived event or outcome. Science being science, clever tools were designed to study what the brain looks like under the influence of addiction whether that be via ECG scans or other means. As impressive as these tools are, they only give a snippet of the intricate psychological and physiological symphony that is desire. As interesting as the previews are, it really makes one yearn for the whole picture which science alone falls short of explaining. You can ask a scientist, “what is desire?” and they may respond with something like “well it’s a neurochemical process regulated by the NACC shell, which is in turn regulated by the frontal lobe, in co-ordination with the hypothalamus…” and so on – that’s all well and good, but it still doesn’t capture the essence of it. Science is an excellent, damn near perfect observer but it can’t see the observer that does the observing all that well – which is where I think religion excels.
Christianity, in addition to other world religions, have many stories that highlight the plight of desire gone wrong. One of my favorite ways this is told is through the idea of the seven deadly sins. Below are my spontaneous thoughts on what I think each sin represents. I did this as an exercise to see how desire is the common denominator between all the different sins. If desire is to want, long for something so by that definition a person in the grips of gluttony longs to consume till he can consume no more, a person whose pride is out of check feels desire to be undeniable and so on and so forth. Left unchecked these feelings turn selfish and affect the host it inhabits and subsequently the people around them.
Pride – Desire for vainglory
Envy – Desire for other’s belongings
Wrath – Desire to rage
Sloth – Desire for comfort
Greed – Desire for everything
Gluttony – Desire for satiation
Lust – Desire for sexual gratification
To further understand desire lets look at it through the lens of depression. Desire in an of itself has no shape or form so you can only really understand it by looking at the elements of life that are dictated by desire. Depression seemed to be one of those because I consider depression to be a symptom of a lack of desire. So, by trying to understand what a lack of desire is I’m hoping to gain further insight into the nature of desire. To appreciate the light, one must also know acknowledge the dark, as one has little to no meaning without the other. If depression is indeed due to a lack of desire, does that mean the person suffering from desire just doesn’t have a functional understanding of what they want out of life? Even if you’re not depressed, not having a clear idea of what you want does make one feel like something’s missing. Left unresolved, experiencing this feeling of aimlessness for too long seems to morph into what we call depression – some undefinable thing weighing on your soul that you feel helpless in tackling. Regardless of whether you’re depressed or not, seeking to understand what does and doesn’t drive you seems to be a useful exercise in better understanding yourself. I’ve heard people say Love is the antidote to suffering. Let’s see how love and desire co-exist.
Is desire the glue that holds love together or is it the other way around? If love is defined as an intense feeling of deep affection, it feels fair to say that desire could be the driving force that propels love. Like how voltage moves current, desire may be the force that moves love through space and time. Love can be such a blinding force sometimes that moving about in a world when you don’t understand it might prove to be detrimental - falling and staying in love with the wrong people will inevitably hurt. Love makes me think that desire is an unconscious process because there’s a certain magic to it that’s hard to fully articulate using logic alone. While love may be elusive, the desire to seek it is not, it lays in abundance in all of us and takes many different forms – some may have love for the arts, their pets, people, nature, comedy, or all the above, but regardless of the form it takes, the language of love feels universal. It fuels our desire for a deep connection that goes beyond just you as an individual, it seeks for the everlasting. Trying to pin down love using words feels about as tricky as catching an eel in a stream with your bare hands – it’s real slippery.
Desire is a powerful force which needs to be wielded properly as the risk of using this great force improperly can cause harm not only to the person wielding it but to the people around them. In addition to that, the pursuit of trying to master one’s desire requires them to understand what it is they desire. This is a good opportunity to assess whether that carrot you’re chasing is worth the effort as left unchecked the unconscious elements of desire grows out of control like weeds in a garden – not ideal. By seeking to understand the true nature of what you desire, you can better position yourself to appreciate the journey it takes to get to your goal. It’s all too easy to lose yourself in the pursuit and completely miss out on the life and time that passes you by while you’re on the journey you take to get to said goal. That path to the object of your desire is where the magic of life truly lies, the little steps we take every day to get to where we want to go should be honored just as much as the goal itself. I’ve heard some people say, ‘desire is a contract you make to suffer until you get to what you want.’ I challenge this notion and say the path there doesn’t have to be suffering, any day you are earnestly working towards what you want is a day well spent. It doesn’t have to be suffering. So before you engage in the pursuit of your desire, make sure to understand the fine print – it will pay dividends! Ultimately, as a result of my exploration into this topic I think trying to understand whether desire is conscious or unconscious is but a mere step in the bigger journey - Understanding the art of mastering desire, which is where the true value of understanding desire lies.